Boundary problems are often the result of a lifetime of putting the needs and desires of others over your personal well-being. Recognizing you have boundary problems is one thing. Fixing them is another, which is why many people turn to a therapist for help.
At Breaking Dawn Therapy, we specialize in setting healthy boundaries to help you feel comfortable and confident with your surroundings. Change doesn’t happen overnight, which is why we are here to help. Contact us today to request an appointment and start your journey on a new path to happiness.
How to Set Boundaries
Knowing how to set boundaries is one of the cornerstones of effective self-care. Here are some tips for recognizing problems and solving them.
- Make a list of the things you care about the most. What boundaries exist within these areas? How important are they? How strong are they? What happens if you compromise on them? Answering these questions will help you recognize what boundaries are important and where to improve them.
- Trust your instincts. If your gut tells you not to do something, you probably shouldn’t do it. Most people make extremely good decisions subconsciously. When we second guess ourselves, that’s often a mistake. Setting healthy boundaries can make it easier to listen to your instincts.
- Practice self-care and take responsibility. If we don’t care for ourselves, we can’t properly care for loved ones. Keep in mind that your happiness should not depend on others. Taking responsibility for our happiness can simplify setting boundaries.
- Just say no. This is one of the most difficult skills for many people. Saying yes is often easier than being truthful and perhaps disappointing or angering someone, but doing things we don’t want to can cause stress and resentment.
- Put the emphasis on what you want, not what the other person is doing wrong. Remember, this is about your boundaries. When explaining them, use “I.” For example, “I would prefer,” rather than “you shouldn’t,” or “I feel like…” rather than “you make me feel…”
- Don’t over apologize. The boundaries you set are yours and yours alone. Apologies weaken them.
- Make sure your boundaries are firm. If you keep blurring the lines, people won’t take you seriously. For example, if your boss is inconsiderate and gives you new work 10 minutes before the end of the workday, staying late, even after you have established a clear boundary by telling her that you won’t do this any longer, tells her that she no longer has to concern herself with the boundary.
- Remember setting healthy boundaries and maintaining them might feel uncomfortable. Relaxing boundaries often seems the easiest route in the short term. Telling your boss that you’ll do the work might feel better than going against their wishes. However, in the long term, maintaining strong boundaries is better self-care, and without properly caring for yourself, your positive impact on other people’s lives is diminished.
- Keep the benefits of boundaries in mind. Setting or redefining boundaries is hard work, especially if you have spent a lifetime putting the needs of others before your own. It can help to constantly remind yourself that establishing strong boundaries not only benefits you but also improves your relationships with others. It can help to draw inspiration from people you know who have strong boundaries.
- Get help from a professional. Recognizing and correcting boundary problems can be a very difficult process, but professional therapists bring years of experience to the table, enabling them to provide guidance, insight, and valuable advice for you.
Breaking Dawn Therapy | Helping You Set Healthy Boundaries
Recognizing ineffective boundaries and enforcing useful ones can be challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone. A professional therapist, like Kristen Stewart (LMSW-C), can help you establish and maintain boundaries that will lead to improved self-care and better relationships.
At Breaking Dawn Therapy, we have years of experience getting to the root of patients’ boundary problems, enabling them to create life-changing boundaries via counseling sessions that take place virtually.
If you are looking for a virtual therapist serving Van Buren Township, Canton, Plymouth, and the surrounding communities, contact us at 734.457.1253. We look forward to helping you set your personal boundaries.
